The first thing I did when I was able to walk to go into a field. No big deal, that field in front of the window. I had to limp out of breath after a few hundred meters. Only in the grass and the dew, I even able to stay on my feet for more than a minute in a row, dirty and pale. During my first trip. The first, remember. The long trip across the lawn in front. I sat, wet and cold with which I devoured the bones. I laughed. I laughed my loneliness and my situation. The fact that I used to fight endless battles with the imagination, endless challenges to the soul of the people, now I can not commit to stained with excrement. At that moment I could not stop laughing, and was late in the morning sun rising behind the hills too far.
Then I went back into the house and I wrote this:
Meditation on the Four Noble Truths.
The First Noble Truth is the truth of the pain. Everything is suffering, birth is pain, life is suffering, suffering is suffering, death is pain. Bitter tears. Blood. A limb amputee. The defeat of a great dream. All of humanity freed from oppressors. Oppressors who use the same humanity against itself to decide who can and who should not survive. The twilight of the last day. The joy of seeing a kitten born in a barn while it's snowing outside. The inevitable parabola of everything. The second law of thermodynamics. The inability to look beyond their horizons. The chirping on my windowsill. The pants soaked. Where there is life, there is impermanence, and no pain.
The Second Noble Truth is the truth of the origin of pain. Where there is desire for further existence, there is pain. The perpetration of all things in nature. The cyclical. The source and the mouth. The whales get stranded on remote beaches where the sand is so fine. The desire that all this joy can not last forever. The coffee, which ends in two gulps, and it is not right. The desire to copulate. The desire to see children in a reflection of ourselves. The arrogance of the powerful to defeat death. The arrogance and nothing else. Each hierarchy. Any sense of superiority. Each division. Each classification. Each selective love. Love is not selective, but pervasive.
The Third Noble Truth is the truth of the cessation of pain. The cessation of craving for existence leading to the cessation of further pain. And the tree in autumn rain falls asleep while grandmother prepares homemade pasta, a wood that is old, but old enough to already have the deep grooves where skilled hands have pressed for decades in the sacred act of kneading.
The Fourth Noble Truth is the truth of the Path leading to the cessation of pain. Right action, right intention, right view, right speech, right effort, right concentration, right livelihood, right mindfulness, right revolution, line handling, look straight into the shoes with holes in them that you wrap around your feet, legs straight posture while do not hold up, but the smile does. Right merger with everything around you, because you do not own anything, but you're just wearing rags and two in the middle of a field is not cultivated, the grass so green and so cold that seems want you to swallow, but you do not think of anything other than the fact that you want to live, so you want to live no more, but life is meaningless if you do not realize that the cold reality that is killing you in you, and you are the destruction and the generation of the cycles of nature, and you are also the second law of thermodynamics, which leaves no way to every perfect preservation of motion, and even existence. You are the state of maximum disorder, and even the cat killed by foxes at night, because he was still too small to go around. You are the wheel of the greatest suffering and the greatest gratitude, you are the many possible universes and cataracts that will strike you as an old man. You are the morning and afternoon, and also the rings of Saturn. And while laughing at breakneck speed even without meaning to, you find yourself in the world to know more than you have known in decades of ridiculous dream.
